Low Self-Esteem – What causes it?
Ask yourself the question, “What is most important in my life?”
What is your first response?
Does financial wealth come to mind or do words such as happiness, health, contentment, love and peace of mind have more resonance with you? The words you think of are your values – the ways you measure your success.
Self-Esteem Lesson Created Understanding
Truly understanding the importance of living my life based on my own values has been an incredible journey filled with both pleasure and pain. For 20 years, I lived my life and based my self-worth on other people’s values – what they wanted me to do for them. I was treated like Cinderella before she went to the ball, criticized for how I looked, acted and as for my ability – nothing was ever good enough. I tried harder and harder to please people, avoiding any actions that would be seen as wrong. Sacrificing my own values to gain acceptance from my mother and others, I repeated this pattern to overcome their obvious dissatisfaction with me. I believed it must have been my fault since strangers would also point out what was wrong with me.
Winning the approval of significant people in my life was my feeble attempt to find happiness. I never found happiness because I wasn’t living up to my values – love, joy, contentment and, most importantly, peace of mind. Instead, I experienced considerable stress that affected my quality of life. It limited me in my career, prevented me from having healthy relationships and most importantly…it affected my health. It took time, but eventually I realized I would need to heal from this emotional pain and stress to reach the peace of mind that I was searching for.
Is it Time for You to Change This Pattern, Too?
If you are grappling with similar issues, or know someone who is, perhaps you understand the importance of changing such destructive patterns. In recognizing these patterns, you may conclude that continuing to feel this way has the potential to be a major barrier to your success and your well being. After making the decision to take responsibility for my own success, I became determined to do what was necessary to overcome these issues by healing the pain inside. My healing started when I chose to take action.
What Worked for Me
Originally, I tried the traditional therapy route. When it proved unsuccessful, I decided to explore other options. Several people shared their experiences with me about NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and how it helped them make significant changes in their lives. I knew from their stories it was what I needed. This NLP process is based on changing unwanted feelings and behaviors. It’s about modeling excellence and applying that excellence to whatever you want to achieve. I felt these principles would help me start living a life filled with love, happiness, joy, contentment, peace of mind and return of my health.
Something amazing had happened to me during my coaching session. At the time, I wasn’t able to precisely define the new feelings I felt inside. I experienced a newly found energy, and that felt exciting! I soon began doing things I had once only dreamed about. After several months of consistently feeling different and no longer responding to the criticism of others, I was convinced that NLP really did work. It felt as if I had been released from a cage that, for years, held me prisoner inside myself. I became passionate about learning its processes and becoming a coach, helping people heal their lives and experience their own successes. This was the start of a new journey, a journey leading me to uncovering the real reason behind what causes low self-esteem or low self-worth.
After eight years of helping others break-thru their issues, I noticed a common theme in most of my coaching and training sessions; people struggle mainly from low self-esteem and put a high value on what they assume others think of them. Most of my clients struggle with issues of criticism from others, taking it as a reflection of who they are. Being criticized, abused or rejected is what causes low self-esteem. If you were never hurt from these issues, you would have a strong sense of self and plenty of confidence to do or be anything you desire.